I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
