i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
