we're blogging at a bar
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
