Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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