What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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