I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
