john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
