Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
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I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.