And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."