She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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