she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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