addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
PANTIES FOUND
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
