why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
