put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
