Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
