I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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