I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
