just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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