I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
