youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
