in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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