i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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