yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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