More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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