I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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