You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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