So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
