This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
