You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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