either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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