i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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