That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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