Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
