Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
