get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
