i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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