I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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