is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
