i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
