Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
