just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
