Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
