so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
