I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
