Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
