you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
