We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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