They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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