yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
