he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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