Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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