He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
