I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
