So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i came on her dog
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
