I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
