The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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