I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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