i think my tv is drunk
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
