I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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