My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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