i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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