Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
