Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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