I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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