Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
