I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Green mimosas i think yes
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
