I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
