Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
