Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
