There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
