Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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