he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
