I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
