I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
