well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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