she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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