I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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