i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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