I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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