You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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