If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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