So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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